This week has been a very troubling week for us all. Some of you may know that I have PTSD. I have been diagnosed with PTSD for many years and finally trying to deal with it with professional.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018 at 6:07 am I wasn’t feeling that great. I did not have any sleep the night before. I decided I better take 1/4 of a 0/5mg of my medication.
8:40 am: I sat down to put on my makeup and all of a sudden I felt this intense pressure in my chest. I had a hard time breathing. I stood back up and tried my yoga breathing. I tried to focus on other things so that the pain would go away. The pain started going into my neck and my left arm. I was so afraid.
9:02 am: Before Nino left for work, I asked Nino to adjust me.
9:26 am: I still wasn’t feeling well and took my BP, pulse and oxygen levels and everything was a little elevated, but nothing to freak out about.
11:00 am: I decided to take an Advil, because the pain in my chest, neck and shoulder would not go away.
12:10 pm: I decided to take half of my medication, because I thought it was withdrawals I was feeling?
By 1:45 pm: I was sitting in the driveway trying to calm myself. I took my BP and it kept going up. I was honestly afraid. I called Donna at work and talked very quietly and said that I was going to my Dr. Sabb for an EKG and could not talk because I didn’t want to waste my energy.
I sat in the driveway, terrified of moving. I needed to calm myself down, but couldn’t. While sitting there, my sweet Michelle drove up. She brought little Daisy with her because Daisy was sick and needed to be wherever we were at. It actually calmed me down a little. Knowing that Michelle is a nurse (almost a Nurse Practitioner in a few months!), I knew I was in good hands 🙂 She drove me to the ER and not my Primary.
They took me right in and everyone was so kind. When I got into the back, I started panicking. The noise and room reminded me of the last time I was in an ER… with Tony. I started crying, but they probably thought I was a basket case. 🙁 After they put an IV in and the Heart Monitor on me, they gave me something in the IV to calm me down. Donna, Nino, and Tatiana came up to the ER…….
Long story short…..We were there for hours and my heart is normal! It was not a heart attack. In fact, my blood-work came back better than the first set of blood-work they did??!! The ER Doctor wanted to keep me overnight because I had all the classic signs of a heart-attack and the history of heart disease. He told me that I am at risk for a heart attack within 30 days!??? After going to my Cardiologist Friday Morning (although I still have heart issues), my heart is fine 🙂
I started getting dressed slowly while we were waiting to leave. I didn’t want to be there in the first place…. I was so tired and needed to get home. I felt like I was taking my family away from their busy schedule. Thank GOD I had Kathy H. and Lisa B. who took over my classes and taught both classes successfully! I was in NO shape to teach or do anything!
Thursday, March 15, 2018 6:27 am, Tatiana texted me and then called me right after the text and told me that little Daisy passed away. Our precious little baby Daisy is gone and it was sudden. She was only 7 years old. A 2 lb. Yorkie. A beautiful little baby. She was my grand-puppy. I helped raise her and we had such a special bound. I needed to be there for my daughter. I thank God that I wasn’t stuck in the hospital the night before and it wasn’t a heart attack. In stead, I am heart-broken for Daisy, Tatiana, and Michelle. In the universe, could Daisy have given her life for my life? I have so much pain and sadness for Daisy and my girls.
In a cloud full of sadness and blur, Daisy was cremated. The girls got a perfect little urn for her. We tried to celebrate her short life by getting matching tattoos of “Daisies”. We spent the entire weekend together with love and support.
Today... I feel sadness and loss. For those that love their dogs unconditionally – like their own children – will understand the loss.
I was so afraid that I was having a heart attack, so I was feeling terrified. In addition, I also was having mixed feelings about a few things. I now know who my real friends are and who will be there for me when I need them. I know that I need to change my life “just a little” to be there for the ones that I love and be there for myself as well.
Of course we do not know what tomorrow will bring. Seeing my little Daisy sleeping forever in her favorite little blue blanket…. Watching my brother take his last breath…. Watching my mother being taken out of her house in a black body bag… makes me think of how precious life is. How precious our breathing is… how our body reacts to emotions and stress.
I want to live. I want to do things that I feel proud of and I want to see the smiles on my family and friends and share laughter with them.
I do NOT want to waste time on people who are fake…. who are there for all the wrong reasons. I do not have the time to waste precious time on them. Life is too short. I LOVE my family so much. I LOVE my dogs and the cats in our family as though they were humans! I love all the people in our family. They mean everything to me.